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ICAN STUFF
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TB LETTZR
J.D.Stradling
826 S. Wabas
Chicago.
"Broke? No. They aint all broke on Madison Street.
,Maybe you're the kind that thinks because a guy's panhandlin'
he aint got nothin'. There's lots of money been made by
the ones who know how. And dont blow it for booze, see?
It's the booze that gets the money away from fem.
No, thanks. I aint drinkint tonight.
Mostly they panhandle because they are broke, I admit.
But them's just amateurs. I was goin' to tell you about
the real old timers like Jake Massey.
Puttin' the bee on is about as good as ever in spite
of hard times. In the old days a lot of people used to tell
tem to go get a job. Now they know there aint no jobs.
People aint got so much money now but they aint got so much
resistance, either. Some of the real professionals do all
right.
Old Jake Massey was the real thing, see? He'd been
up the stem in every town in the United States. Spent his
life sizint up suckers and knew every trick of the trade.
The old carfare gag, the sore foot gag, the three children
starvint at home, and all that, was chump stuff to him. He
had real tricks, most of which he thought up himself.
Never worked a day in his life.
As I say, he'd been all over the country, but he was
the kind of a guy that never paid a cent to go nowhere. He
was against it on principle. Fact he was against payint
J.D.Stradling
money under any circumstances.
Well, one night he was goint through Hutcheson, Kansas,
on a rattler when three young fellers scrammed from the
State Reformatory there. Massey and three other boes was
bedded down in the reefer of an orange ear that dont need any
ice, see? The train stopped for orders and to let a passenger
go by. The boes got tipped off by the shack that the bulls
was ridin' the drags through town, lookint for the escapes,
It was a fruit express, headin' east on the highball.
The dicks started workin' the train from the front end and
they didnt get the tip until she was already haulint fast.
The bulls would drop off at a junction outside of town after
they'd cleaned the rattler.
Massey and the others had to do a swing off and roll.
But Jake hits a switch block in the dark and breaks a leg.
After that he couldnt swing the rattlers no more so he sett-
led clown here in au. Like a lot of cripples, he went sour
on the world.
About as mean as they come, I guess. And as he got
older, he got meaner. Never made a side kick. Never had
any friends° No fanily that anyone ever heard of. Never
bought a drink for anybody in his life and didnt drink him-
self. We mighta figured he was saltin' down, except that we
didnt bother to figure about him at all. He was just a bad
smell. Everybody was glad to forget old Jake.
But he worked every day and sometimes half the night.
Panhandlint, I mean. And his expenses didnt anount to much.
When he wanted to eat, he'd bum a feed. When he needed some
clothes, he'd bum them. And he didnt need much clothes in
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J.D.Stradling
his line. He was always in rags, just an old scare -crow
guy that nobody ever took a second look at. And remember,
there were times when the bee used to bring in ten to twelve
bucks a day.
'Gall, one night Idassey got kicked by a truck and when
the cops had hauled him to the County, it was curtains.
They went through him for identification to get a line on rel-
atives, if any, to maybe save the taxpayers a box job. There
wasnt anything like that on him so they planted him in a dump
somewhere, wherever guys like that go.
But they did find four bankbooks on him with different
accounts. He was so mean he didnt trust any one bank. Didnt
trust any of them very much. His clothes felt funny and the
cops took 'em apart. Inside, sewed up into the linings, they
found bills all over him and Government bonds. There was
fourteen thousand dollars altogether.
It's happened before and it's happened since. Every
once in a while you read something like that in the papers.
For a couple of weeks after some4hdIng-.14ke-dliho4., it &int saf,
for any old crummy on the street after dark. They -wore getiodor
rolled right and left. But nobody ever guesses about these
queer old guys until after they kick off or they would be
jack rolled right away, see?
They aint exactly misers, They got the knack of gettin'
the dough but dont know What it's good for, see? Never had
nothine and dont want nothint. They eat slum and can even
flop in the park in the summer. A few old rags do for clothes.
There was a time when good ones like old Massey could take in
up to twenty bucks in a day and live on four bits.
No, thanks. Really I dont want a drink tonight, No.
J.D.Stradling
I aint sick.
Well, a lot of people around here got to thinkint
about Jake. He had to kick off to get attention, except
from the cops. The fourteen thousand was tied up in the
court and no relatives. Of course, about a dozen turned up
to claim he was their long lost brother or something like that.
Three or four got housed for perjury and the rest was told
not to try that again. The judge was no fool and the dough
stayed put.
But all the time folks is thinkinl, well, here's an
old guy that's been on the stem all his life ant never spend
in' a cent that anybody ever SECW” didnt booze, see?-- so is
the fourteen thousand all, or has he got a sock somewhere?
And that's how come a couple of amateurs got in a jam.
Now if there's one thing in the world you cant bum,
even if you're good as old Jake at it, it's a flop. Nobody's
goint to take in a bum to sleep, see? He's got to get the
cash first and lay it on the line. There aint such a thing
as credit in the flophouses.
So people began to recollect things about him. Old
Jake bunked in a two bit cage house in cold weather but soon
as it warmed up, he'd move out. And he was too mart to sleep
in the park, see? Cane to think of it, they says, there was
six or seven months every year when old Jake was holed up
somewhere, but nobody knew where. And there's folks that
sure would like to know.
Well, nobody seemed to know except one of these two
guys I was goin' to tell you about. And he'd been on the road.
He'd just came in for the winter. Somebody told him old Jake
was dead but it didnt mean anything. Held missed the two inch
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J. D. Strad ling
human interest bit that was all Jake rated in the papers
after sixty five years on the stem.
Sammy Litchel was kinds like Jake in some ways. He
wasnt very well liked,. either. The kind of a guy who would
let you buy until you went broke and then remember he had a
date somewhere else. He picked up a big Mick naned Bill one
night when they both got drunk on Bill's money. They was
both lookint for a side kick so they paled up. And Bill was
too dumb to notice things about Sammyo
Just amateurs, see? They'd both worked at some time
but they'd forgot when. Sammy would take a job once in a
while if he thought there was something eitra in it, like
playin' Santa Claus on the corner at ahristmaso He liked to
stand and figger how to get his hand in the little hole where
the money goes down the chimney° I guess he never did figger
that one out because the Salvation Army has been hirin' guys
like Sammy for years and knows its oats°
This pair never had nothin' because it all went for
booze. They just bummed enough for cakes, flop and a pint.
Sometimes it was just the pint. In the summer they'd sleep
out. They could mooch a feed when they had too Sometimes
they could even bum drinks. But in winter things wasnt so
good. Like I say, you cant bum a flop. Remember that cold
winter we had in '35 and 6?
'Well, one night Sammy and Bill is stuck for what it
takes. The thermometer takes a dive and keeps on goint down.
The jails is full in the basements and the Missions is doin'
a rushin' business convertin' sinners so long as they have
hot soup to pass out.
There was Relief but Sammy and Bill are a couple of
•J%D.Stradling
rolling stones without any address. And they think they/re
the genuine article, like Jake Massey, who dont have no use
for Relief. That's for chumps who dont know how to get by.
About seven at night Sammy meets Bill at Desplaines.
"Did you get it?" he says.
nTope," says Bill. "It's so cold people wont stop.
They got to take off their gloves to get into their pockets,
anyway. I aint raised a dime."
"Neither have I," says Sammy. "Criminently, I been
workin' hard all day. I opened a hundred cars doors. I picked
up an old guy who skidded on the ice, I carried bundles for
an old lady, an, what do you think I got?''
"I dunno."
"A nickle," says Sammy in disgust. "The old lady pulls
out a little purse that looks like a squashed grape and says,
'Now I aint giving you this because I think you deserve it.
I'm just doing a good deed for the satisfaction'. I says,
'Cripes, lady, make it a quarter and show yourself a real good
time', and would you believe it? she got mad."
Bill is real sad. "It looks like we got to get saved,"
he says.
"No," says Sammy. "I'm so hungry I wouldnt sit two
hours for a bowl of soup. And by that time it would be too
late to do anything else. We'd be carryin' a banner in the
parade, sure. Folks is goin/ home early tonight. Let's try
it again. You go one way and I'll go the other. We'll meet
here at ten o'clock, And remember, pal, we share what we get."
"Okay," says Bill. "Fifty fifty, that's us. We'll
get it yet. It's so darned cold somebody ought to open up."
Sammy went toward Ashland. Bill was so desperate he
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J.D.Stradling
headed for the loop where he's liable to get picked up in
five minutes. But it was too cold for the cops, I guess.
There were only a few poeple out and they were hurryint so
fast they wouldnt listen," after a couple of hours, Bill is
like to freeze.
He drops in at the La Salle Street Depot to warm up
but is run out right away because there have been too many
bums droppin' ine So he heads back west on Madison. Maybe
Sammy has had some luck, he thinks. And Sammy will whack up.
But Before he gets to Desplaines, he sees Sammy turning
into a flop joint-- not the one they been stayint at. He
waits a few minutes at the door, gettin' kinda suspicious
when Sammy dont came out. So Bill goes in. He sees Sam Smith
on the register. There's no sign of Sammy around but the last
name must be him. So Bill says he's a friend of Sam Smith
and the clerk tells him 407.
Sammy is just gettin, his pants off when Bill walks in.
Like I said, Bill is just a big Mick, and you know how they
are. He sees red because he's been whackint with Sammy right
along. There's a rough -house right offo
But they got a bouncer there about seven feet tall
and a few minutes later they are both out on the street again,
feeling considerably the worse for wear, and no refund.
"Now look what you went and done," says Sammy, mad as
a hornet. "I was goin' to meet you at ten, like I said. You
could have gone into the washroom, sneaked up the other stairs,
and bunked with me. Now look at usi"
Seein' Sammy already had his pants off, Bill aint more
than about half sold. But, like I said, Bill is pretty dumb.
"Sorry, pal," he says. "I guess the cold got me. I
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J.D.Stradling
"Yeah. Hither they found it or it's hid where nobody
would think to look, I remember he went foolin' around be-
hind the old bureau there, Let's see."
So they moved the old relic that Jake Massey had bummed
somewhere and, sure enough, there was a loose brick in the
old wall. They pried it out and Barmy slips in a hand. He
brings out a handful of stuff-- an old watch with the face
busted, a jackknife, some miscelaneous papers, one letter,
and such stuff.
"JunkS" says Bill in disgust. "But nobody found that
hideaway or they'd have taken the watch. I bet he was so
suspicious he had it all on him. We wont find nothin'. An'
even the watch aint no good. You couldnt get four bits on it."
"That's funny," says Bill, handlint the other stuff.
"The letter aint been opened."
Sammy takes it and sees that Bill is right, "It's
dated four years ago," he says. "Guess he musta known who it
was from and didnt bother to open it. That would be like him.
He didnt have no more use for people than they had for him."
"Who's it from?" says Bill.
"Says 'Sally Wilton' in the corner. Somebody in Omaha.
Imagine him gettint love letters from a woman. It aint
natural. We ought to get a kick out of this."
So Sammy tears the letter open just out of curiosity,
Out drops something green. They give a whoop and crack their
heads together as they dive for it,
It's a ten dollar bill.
Bill has got more reach than Sammy and he gets it.
"It's mine," says Sammy, "I found the letter."
"Fifty fifty, pal," says Bill. "And this time I aint
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J.D.Stradling
good practise.
"Put 'em up, white boys," he says, and they try to
poke holes in the roof, He comes forward and takes the saw-
buck right out of Bill's hand.
"There's been a lot of boys pokint round since old
Jake died," he says. "But you're the first ones with ideas.
Every time ah sees smoke comint out of that chimbley, ah
comes over to have a look. Is that all yo' found?"
"That's all," squeals Sammy. "Dont shoot."
"Al know it is," says the jig. "kh been listenint.
Now SCRAM."
At that, Sammy and Bill is out in the cold again and
headint down the alley at six to the second. Except they
hadnt 6one far before they run snack into the arms of a cop.
"Hold up there, you bums," he says. "What you been
up to, now?"
He gets both of 'em by the coat before they know it
and hangs ono
aint been up to nothings" says Sammy who ia the
quickest of the two. "Honest, mister, we was just lookint
for a place to sleep. But there's a coon in there with a
gun that long."
"Vihere? There? There aint nobody in there, that's
an empty building," says the cop.
"Yes there is. He just run us out. With a gun."
"Come along, then. We'll see about this."
But Sammy holds back. "We dont want to go back in
there," he says. "He might shoot."
"No, you want to stay out here while I go in," says
the cop. "And then you can run. I heard that one before*
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J.D.Stradling
Just to be sociable, we'll all go in."
Well, they went in again° There wasnt no one there,
of course. But the cop takes a look around and sees somebody
has been livin' there, Evidently he never heard of Jake
Massey or had nothing to connect it up, if he hado
"Who lives here?" he asks. And he's a real tough look
in' cop.
"I dunno," says Sammy before he thinks twice.
"Oh, breakin' ins" says the cop. "You dent know who
lives here. I ketch you =min' out and you try to stall me
with a story about somebody with a gun. That's very nice"
They keep quiet about the ten dollars, not wantint
it 4e -4* -any worse than it is.
And that's how come Sammy and Bill finally got put
up for the night.
A few minutes later, Bill stretched out on a nice cot
and looked at the big black barso
"No hard feelin's, pal?" he asks.
"No. I aint mad about the fight," says Sammy.
"It looks like we got it now, for sure."
"Yeah, we got it. For about ninety days," says Sammy°
"We'll get vagged, sure, even if they dent call us a couple
of burglars and plaster us with the book."
"Oh, well," says Bill. "It'll be nice and warm when
we came out. I guess we dont have to worry no more this
winter. It could be worse. But you know, I kinda think
somebody ought to let that woman know there's a lot of money
waitin' for her. Linda get even with old Jake, see?"
"Look here," says Sammy, very serious. "You forget
all about that, see? If they find out we were lookin' for
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J.D.Stradling
old Jake's money, we're liable to get ten years,"
And like I said, Bill was kinda dumb, He did forget
all about it.
By and by, they're out and Sammy disappeared. Bill
lost his side kick and never did know that became of him,
But Sammy remembered the address on that letter and grabbed
a rattler for Omaha, He pot a job for awhile and bought a
front.
Sally Wilton was a widow with two kids. Things had
been bieakin' pretty tough for her. She'd never heard from
A
the old man and had given him up,
I see you got it. Yeah. He married her. They omne
back to Chi .and put in a claim for the money, They finally
got it. She had proofs, see?'
I don't know what became of Bill. Just rollin' along,
I guess,
Doin' well? HUN Not Sammy. He never does, He's
back on Eadison Street. I saw him the other day and the
chiseler tried to bum a quarter.
And say, that reminds me,
I'm kinda stuck, myself, tonight. Could you spare
a buck?