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Circumstances of Interview
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Informant:Mrs.Annette Hamilton Wayne Walden (4410)
Subject: The Joke Cn Jake.
cç
December 7,1938.
"Gosh knows I dor& live in a swanky apartment.Neither the house nor
the neighborhood I live in would seem attractive enough for a tramp
to try his luck in.T-/e might possibly get a lump,but to expect a sit-
down,or to throw his feet under the table in such a dump as I must
call my home,would mean that the man was either balmy or so desperately
hard -up as to take a chance on anything.
But occasionally a guy on his uppers does take a crack at the neighbor-
hood,and as my dingy apartment is on the ground floor,I probably am
visited by them more often than dwellers who inhabit the caves higher
up in the house.
-Sometimes,too darned often in fact,the pesky peddlers come buzzing
around.And generally when 4- answer the door it isto be met by one of
them trying to sell me a can of scouring powder or a bottle of hair
tonic,or something I don't need.Sometimes,the line of chatter they hand
out --you can't help pitying some of them,I buy a can of roach dust or
some such article.But they,on the whole,are bigger nuisances than the
down-and-outs,and harder to get rid of.In truth I'd much rather put up
with the bums.Some of them weren't always on the bum,and now and then
you meet one who is interesting to talk to.
I guess it was about two months ago a knock caused me to answer the door,
and when I looked out I see a t,a11,1ean and rather ragged old fellow.
I knew right away he wasn't a salesman.For one thing he didn't spring
at me with his sales baloney,not try to get his foot in the door.He just
took off his hat and seemed kind of uncertain how to begin his spiel.
-oat of 'em have some sort of spiel.Tle didn't look so very old --about
seventy maybe- and he seemed fairly clean,at least not lousy.And the
more I looked at him the more he struck me as someone not of these
parts,and possibly not a bum at all.
Subject: The Joke on Jake
Page 2 Wayne halden
Dec.7,1938.
"Well,since he didn't seem to know how to speak up for himself,I finally
says,'What is it you want?' and,thinking maybe the man is hungry and a
bit emberrassed about asking,I finally says 'Are you hungry?'He was,of
course,but I guess he hadn't planned on negotiating a feed quite so easy
as all that.So I says, 'come on in' and so he comes in and I sets him up
to the table.I put aut some grub before him and made him a pot of coffee
if there was one thing he fell for,it was coffee.
So,as he was eatimg,he starts to warm up a bit,and starts to tell me
something of his travels.He'd been everywhere I guess,from Maine to Cal-
ifornia and back again it seemed.After awhile he mentions Colorado.
'I've been in that state myself; I says;/ know that old state like a
book myself',I says.I guess that remark jerked the old man out of himself
more than anything else I'd said before.He looked at me then with real
interest. 'Do you really?'he says.'Do you know the 'Lone Cone
I used to punch cattle all around that part the says.'I've rode
from hell to breakfast all over that district.' From his talk
I guess he wasn't kiddin' either.He looked like that was what
country?
the range
and looks,
he'd been.
'I did some prospecting up in the hills of Boulder County and I used
to work around the northern part of the state quite a bit.Do you know
where Eton is?' he asked me.I didn't remember that town,but when he told
me it was near r_Ireeley,not so
'I had some mighty fine times
I guess now it's not the same
far south of the Wyoming line,I had an idea.
up in that part of the state' he said,'but
as it used to be,with the automobile and
everything.The open range is about gone'he says,(a lot of it become fenced
in and made farms of.*.It cant be the cow country that it used to be.'
'I wasn't around there during the dry spell,when Prohibition hit the
country,but I bet it was hell then.It sure must of been dreary.As I rec-
collect the the old place,and the fellows I used to know,I dorit see how
they put it over' he says.'Well,thank you ma'am for the meal'he says, 'I
appreaciate it very kindly'he says'andI sure was glad to find someone
Page 3 Wayne Walden
The Joke On Jake Dec.7,1938
from the old country, 'he saigts as he gets up to go.
'That's all right',4-com/le,if you happen around again,drop in,' I says.
I haven't much,but a little something to eat wont break me nor make me,'
f=PRIPs6o dont go hungry(cy tells him.He would have done the dishes,
if I'd wanted him,but I didn't care to have him messing around with 'em,
probably making the joint worse looking than it was.So he beats it.
Well,that visit was,as I said,a couple of months ago,and I'd about
forgotten all about it.But,lo and behold,my Mister MEn shows up.again.
'I'm going back',he says,1I'm going back to the old stamping grounds.
And being in the neighborhood,I thought I'd call on you again',he says,
tend see if you had any message you wanted me to take along to anyone
out there',he sere.
'I just cant think of anybody I might know that you might know',I
says. 'If I did know anybody you might have known,ttwould probably be
since your day',I told him,'but thanks,just the same.'
But,as he was eating,he gets to telling me about certain people and
asking if I knew any of them.It seemed that I didn't though.
'I bet you knew old Jake Snyder,or heard of him anyway.Everybody knew
old Jake.' I had to admit that old Jake was not on my calling list,and
shameful as it was,I'd never heard tell of him.For a moment I imagined
the old man doubted that I'd ever been west of Hoboken,that maybe I
was stringing him about being once in Colorado.Anyhow,pretty soon he
goes on,vridently giving me the benefit of the doubt.
'Old Jake' ,he says, 'was a saloon keeper and a man that weighed well
over three hundred pounds --three twenty seven so he told every body,and
he looked it.And so far as anyone knew he had always been a bachelor.
It's too bad you didn't( ake;it would be easier to describe him if you'd
a known him.'
The old man poured himself another cup of coffee and roLled a cigarette
'Poor old Jake',the old man sort of chuckled, 'about as mean and low-down
Page 4
The Joke on Jake Wayne Walden
Dec .7,1938.
a trick as the boys could play on him happened one night when the
Duke came to town.And,losh how Jake liked to eat:One reason he bached
I suess,was 'cause he didn't have a woman.They wasn't many women out
there anyway,and what there was didn't seem to hanker Jluch for Jake.
He was too heavy to be in the running,I,15'pose.ut he wasn't all fat.
ue was stout as a bull,and in a rough and tumble fight it would take
a darned good man to go up against him.'
"But what was the joke they played on him when the Duke came to town?",
I asked.
'1 was comin' to that',says the old man,'but I5m glad you reminded me,
or I might of strayed off the trail.I was thinking of another time,but
I'll tell you that later.'
'You see Jake did his batchen in the rear part of the house.The saloon,
naturally,was in the front part.So when he wasn't too busy at the bar,
he'd be in the back a cookin'.He was great for dumplings,and bragged
that he could make as good dumplings as any woman in the country.
Well,it happened that several times when Jake cooked a stew with
dumplings in it,he'd invite one or two of the boys back to eat with
him,and see for themselves how good them dumplings were.
'But the trouble with Jake was,that when he'd go to test the dumplings,
to see if they was done,his test wouldn't be just a taste,but a whole
darned dumpling.And he'd do this testing so often,that by the time the
dumplings ought to of been done, they'd all be et up.
It wasn't that he was greedy or selfish.He'd just kinda forget about
his having company for dinner.u.e was always sorry of course,and would
try to fill them up with something else. So whether the dumplings was
as g-od as Jake said they was,no one ever knew.
Jake was so good natured that even when the boys got stung on his
dumplings they didn't hardly get mad at him.But while they wasn't
mad,some of the boys thought the joke had gone far enough,and it was
time to play a joke on Jake.
Page 5.
The Joke On Jake Wayne Walden
Dec.7,1936
"'So they lays their heads together and figures out a plan.There was a
fellow around town good on doing ventriloquism,talkin' down his throat.
He might not a been quite what this Charley McCarthy is,but he was so
good at it that he had a lot of 'em fooled,includin'me the first time
I heard him.So they gets him as the first move.
Then they borrows a clothes store dummy from Greely.The next thing was
to get the dummy trimmed right.After some argument they decides to fix
him up like a real dude;as right fresh from England,a member of the House
of Lords.There the Sam Hill they ever got all the duds and trappings they
finally dolled him out in,I never heard.
The next thing :hey doed,is to lug this dummy into ol' Jake d place and
to interduce him as a Duke with plenty of money,Lnd out for a good time.
They explains that ilitA Highness was purty drunk as he was,but the rest
of 'em wasn'tpand that the Duke wanted his guests to have service and
lots of it.That's more the Duke is sensitive to a slight,but there is
one thing he has,besides a bun on,and that was a big wad of .:ood United
States money.
'Glad to meet you',says Jake,to the Duke,not noticing thst the
hand he shook belonged to one of the bunch standing round the duke.
'What'll you have to drink,lister '..)ukethe says.fSet 'em up to the
boyN&'the ventriloquist makes the duke answer.
'So old Jake puts out the drinks to the whole caboodle except the duke.
As he went to serve him,one of the fellows winks and tells Jake to let
the duke sober up a bit.So they lays the duke out on a table where he
could sleep it off,and the rest of the bunch begins to injoy themselves.
'But every so often the duke would rouse from his drunken slumber enough
to holler out 4set 'em up to the boys. And it went on that way,round
after round,way into the night.
'Course,o1' Jake was happy as a lark,thinkin' of his profits rolling in.
It wasn't within Jake's memory that so rich and wonderful a customer
7'age 6 The Joke On Jake Wayne Walden
Dec .8,1938
had ever patronised his saloon:Of course His Grace had spent most of
the time sleepin on the table.But his frequent orders kept Jake jump-
ing and sweatin' a servin' the rest of the crowd.
'No wonder ol' Jake was pleased.No other bar was as busy as his that
night,and Q cheese und crackers,no other saloon had a real live duke trY
as it's customer.'Dose itys who brung him in',I guess l'Jake was thinkin6
'I viii gif dem a goot meal of dumblings'.
Finally, Jake began to notice that the crowd had thinned out somewhat.
Some of thalarstill stuck around singin' songs,and the duke still lay on
the table.After awhile the gang grew scarcer yet,and purty soon.they&L
all cleared out,cepting Jake and the Duke.
'Golly',thinks Jake,Ithat darned duke didn't do any drinking,and he
ought to be comin'out of it by now.
So Jake does some tidying up of the place;kicks the spitoons back
where they belonged;picks up after the crowd;and to kill a little more
time,he swabs the bar.All the while he keeps lookin' at the clock and
hoping the duke
was getting all
Well,to make
will wake up. It was long past closing time,pnd Jake too
in and sleepy.
a long story short,Jake at last goes over to the duke and
speaks to him.'Mister Duke',he says:Mister Duke viii you blease vake op.'
No answer,of course,from the duke.'Hey Mister Duke,I vish to glose up
now,and viii you blease bay your bill. 'Still the duke slept on,and
was beginning to lose his good nature.
'Mister Duke'Jake shouts,py golly I vant you to bay up your bill.I
to gli,se up,d'ye hear? But the duke remains dead to the world.
'Maybe',thinks Jake,that damned duke is trying to get out of paying him.
That was something he hadn't thought of,and,horrified by the awful sus-
picion,he makes another try.at getting the duke to stbt up and take notice.
He shakes the duke,and then he tumbles him off the table and lets him
fall on the floor.Bv now with his Dutch temper up,he was just on the point
Jake
vant
Page 7
The Joke On Jake. Wayne Walden
Dec .8,1938.
of cuffing the duke into sobriety,and collecting his account when some
of the gang rushed in.They'd been watching all the time through a window.
Seeing the duke stretched out on the floor,and seeming to be plumb dead,
they says:'My God,Jake whatcha done: Oh: Jake itlooks as if you've
killed the duke.Bet you that's just what you done:'
Old Jake had been purty mad a moment before,but now he gets purty
darned scared.He tries to do some swift thinkin'.
'Boys',he said,py Gadly I had to do it.I didn't vant to hit him,but
that son -of -a -gun of a duke drew a knife on me.'
Then,of course the bunch begin to laugh and,picking the duke up,they
exposes him to Jake for the wooden dummy he was.
'Boys' said Jake,forgetting intirely the duke's bill,and tickled to death
that he wasn't goin' to be hung for murder:Boys gome oop und hal a drink.
Py Golly dot vas a goot joke om me!
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