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- Subscribe - Contact Us - Rate Card - Place an Ad Valley&State Backpage O&E Sports Archives Classifieds Faith&Beliefs Obituaries Revels December 24, 2003 Enneagram By John Darling Tidings Correspondent It's a mysterious, arcane-looking nine-pointed star in a circle and it's called an enneagram. Using it, you get a window at understanding yourself, your partner, your loved ones and just about everyone as one of nine personality types whose behavior, attitudes and views on life suddenly make perfect sense. The enneagram (Greek for nine-pointed diagram) is a map showing the relationship between personality types - Perfectionist, Giver, Tragic-Romantic, Observer, Devil's Advocate, Epicure, Boss and Mediator, said Dr. Kay Lynne Sherman, an Ashland psychotherapist who's presenting a class on it Jan. 9-11. Typical students of the enneagram will watch live people and videotapes to discern their own type, as well as the other types into which we morph when in situations of stress or intimacy. "It's an extremely valuable tool for self-awareness and personal growth," said Sherman, 60. She's been using this in her counseling practice for 23 years. "It helps people understand there is no one-size-fits-all model for relationships. We think everyone is or should be coming from the same place but the enneagram teaches everyone is coming from vastly different places." A "point-5" or Observer, for example values privacy, living simply, reducing involvement with others, control of feelings and analytic systems that substitute for emotions. While each type has its not-very-flattering ego traits (called "fixations" and "passions"), it also has its higher qualities or "essences." For the Observer, the ego traits are stinginess and avarice. The essences are omniscience and non-attachment. The lessons of the enneagram help you decipher your type by modeling famous types in history. For Observer, you get tragic, isolated figures like billionaire Howard Hughes and existential author Franz Kafka - but you also get those who've maximized the "higher qualities," like Buddha and Meryl Streep. All of us have bits of every personality, but predominate with a "home" type, she says. Faced with stress or intimacy, however, we shift into a completely different home base on the enneagram. People newly in love often mis-read this shift, complaining the partner is "not the person I married" and "the honeymoon is over." The stressed-out Observer morphs into "point-7" or epicure, becoming more social and fun-loving, literally the life of the party. The Observer in love shifts to "point-8," becoming lustful and indulging all life's pleasures -- anything but his normal, detached self. A Tragic-Romantic type in love, she added, shifts into "point-1" or Perfectionist, becoming very picky. "That's how you know you're really in with him," she said. "We're born into these types and, while we can evolve into our higher qualities, we can't change the types," said Sherman. "The more you become aware of your own and other people's types, the more you have compassion and forgiveness and come to accept what's possible. You appreciate the diverse gifts you and others bring, instead of focusing on what you think you want or deserve from those you're in relationship with." If you're thinking about using the enneagram for matchmaking, she said, it really doesn't work well, since all types have their strengths and hang-ups. Her teacher, Helen Palmer, author of "The Enneagram," told her, "Find yourself and enlightened anything and you'll have an easier time of it." Sherman said therapy is much more efficient when couples use the enneagram. "Standard psychology is oriented to pathology and is inadequate to the various natures of our personalities," she said. "It creates expectations of perfection that no one can live up to. We need to understand what we're cut out to do, rather than try to live up to a universal ideal." Sherman's type? She's a "point-9" or Mediator, not a bad type for a psychologist (and former Peace Corps volunteer), but, she noted, the type is very loving and caring and often forgets to direct that love to herself. Under stress, her 9 would shift to "point-6" or Devil's Advocate and she'd get very worried and irrational, something she didn't understand until enneagram study. "It's a challenge (being a 9). It seems my issues are the hardest. I've been amazed at their trickiness and depth, but the enneagram has been a life-saver. I've learned how to express anger and do it in a constructive manner. As a Mediator, I used to try to get everyone peaceful but, in counseling, anger between people usually has to be expressed for things to move forward." An ancient mathematical template with roots in Greek, Egyptian and Sufi culture, the enneagram was synthesized into a spiritually-flavored system of personality types in the 1960s by South American mystic philosopher Oscar Ichazo. "The basis of the teaching is spiritual," said Sherman, a former member of the legendary Findhorn spiritual community in Scotland. "The enneagram teaches that our personalities are potentially expressions of the Divine, as are the personalities of all those with whom we relate. The essences of each type get obscured by life's traumas but, with understanding, we come to see the gifts - our essences -- that we were born to give."Enneagram courses by Kay Lynne Sherman. Introduction, Jan 9-11. Register at [email protected] or 482-3992. Advanced courses follow on "The Enneagram and Relationship" and "Living the Higher Qualities." Which One Are You? Enneagram's Nine Personality Types 1. Perfectionist - critical of self and others, feels there is one correct way, ethically superior. Evolved: critically astute, moral heroes. 2. Giver - Demands affection, approval. Seeks to be loved by becoming indispensable. Manipulative, many faces. Evolved: caring, supportive. 3. Performer - Seeks love by performing, achieving. Competitive. Type-A personalities. Confuse job identity and real self. Evolved: leader. 4. Tragic-Romantic - Attracted to the unavailable. Ideal is never here-now. Artistic, sensitive, sad. Focus on lost love. Evolved: Creative artist, therapist, passionate about life, sex, death. 5. Observer - Emotionally distant, private, uninvolved. Live simply as defense against involvement with people, life. Evolved: intellectuals, spiritual seekers, sage decision-makers. 6. Devil's Advocate - Fearful, dutiful, plagued by doubt. Procrastinators, lost in thought, not action. Avoid vulnerability. Anti-authoritarian, underdog, feel persecuted. May confront "oppressor" in aggressive way. Evolved: good team players, friends, loyal to causes. 7. Epicure - Superficial, adventurous, gourmet, dance-away lover, Peter Pan syndrome (eternal youth), dread commitment, keep options open, seek emotional high, seemingly happy, stimulating. Evolved: good synthesizers, theoreticians, Renaissance types. 8. Boss - Protective of self, friends, combative, extremist, control trips, open displays of anger, force, make contact via sex and confrontations. Evolved: good leaders, powerful supporters of others. 9. Mediator - Ambivalent, agreeable, see all points of view, martyrs, sacrifice own dreams, addictive, spaced out, difficulty getting angry. Evolved: peacemakers, counselors. - From "The Enneagram," by Helen Palmer (Sherman's teacher) DailyTidings.com Home Page Valley&State | Backpage | O&E | Sports | Archives | Weather | Classifieds Columnists | Faith&Beliefs | Obituaries | Revels | Subscribe | Contact Us Copyright 2004 Ashland Daily Tidings and Ottaway Newspapers All Rights Reserved Site Search: .:Advertisements:. RESOURCES - Mail Tribune News - ODOT Road Cams