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http:// --> Ashland, Oregon HOME Valley & State Sports Nation & World Opinion/Editorial Classifieds Business Columnists Local Issues Obituaries Weather Archive Revels Etcetera Backpage Hot Topics Most Viewed Forum Photo Galleries Video Readers Polls O-Zone Online Games Movie Preview Special Sections Real Estate Guide Menu Guide Shakespeare Subscribe Contact Us Rate Card Place an Ad Hottest Galleries: October 5, 2007 Fending off disappointment By Mark Pepitone Tidings Columnist Mark Pepitone Archives Friday September 14th Friday September 21st Friday September 28th Friday October 5th Friday October 12th I have not developed much solidarity in my life. I simply have not had time to develop a routine. My life changes dramatically every four years. I am not allowed to stay in one spot for any point in time. I have almost no personal responsibilities. I need constant change to make a life for myself. My life will continue to thrive on change until I have established a career. I am pursuing graduate school, planning for a wedding, and desiring to see the world. No one plans to fall into routine unhappiness; one simply falls into it. Yesterday, I overheard two married women discussing marriage and their husbands. Their relationships seemed strained at best. Disappointment hung on every word they spoke. In fact, one of them said, "marriage is the beginning of disappointment." I could not help but cry for them. I have always thought of marriage as the zenith of human companionship; until I considered the one marriage I have closely observed, my parents. They do not always agree with each other. The do not always enjoy each other's company. They do not spend every moment with each other. They are not always polite with each other. However, despite everything, they have loved each other in holy matrimony for more than 25 years. When I was growing up, I often worried my parents were going to separate. I noticed my parents arguing more than I noticed them kissing. I never saw my parents as a couple, but as two individuals who lived together. They are so different from each other; I did not know what was holding them together. It was as if some invisible glue made them inseparable. My parents would say God has been gracious to them, but I believe their strength of commitment has another origin. Despite all shortcomings, my parents genuinely love each other. I never noticed the power of this love because I was too focused on the blinding events of life surrounding each parent. The problems of modern life are compounded by their frequency and intensity. Every day provides more disappointments. True love is not marked by the absence of disappointment, but simply by the ignorance of all faults. True love acknowledges the limitations of humanity. "To err is human, to forgive divine." Those married women who called marriage, "the beginning of disappointment," do not understand what true love is. Too often, we want marriage to be bliss and will not settle for anything less. We are not prepared for the arguments, the yelling, or multiple offences that pile up through the years. Many people cannot forget the offenses done to them and harbor the seeds of destruction for their relationships. Recently, my mother told me she often does not settle fights with my father. Whenever problems come up between them, they wake up the next morning and act as if nothing happened. At first, I could not believe her. This seemed unhealthy. However, when I thought about it some more, my parents are simply choosing to ignore all the negative events that occur within the day. Not everyone can simply forget, I certainly cannot. I need to settle every argument because I will build an indestructible grudge. Yet, we can all learn a lot from ignorance. If we can truly learn to forgive and forget the small offences of the day, we will not fall into routine disappointment. Mark Pepitone is a graduate of Southern Oregon University with a degree in English. He lives in Ashland with his fiancé. Leave a Comment: Advertisement: Advertisement: Paid Advertising: Debt Help Inkjet Printers Payday Loans Free Ringtones Debt Consolidation Security Systems Debt Relief New Hampshire Primary Advertisement: Copyright © 2007 Ashland Daily Tidings and Ottaway Newspapers. All Rights Reserved. Del.icio.us