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0 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? e-edition | subscribe | newsletter | deals Home News Latest Stories Grants available to help Jackson County property owners reduce fire risk 10 things to know for Thursday Emergency Services Cougar sighting spooks Grants Pass homeowner Since You Asked: Sheriff's Office sells off foreclosed homes Crime, Courts and Emergency Services Grants available to help Jackson County property owners reduce fire risk Emergency Services Three daylight burglaries reported in apparent east Medford spree Grand jury hands up indictments on Talent assault suspects Emergency services Politics and Elections Councilman stirs online dust-up with anti-marijuana post State certifies recount showing failure of GMO-labeling measure Education Medford bulks up student support for math, reading Ashland schools to implement chickenpox precautions Traveling artist sets the stage for Ruch School amphitheater Ruch school class focuses on the natural environment Bethel Church helps families at McLoughlin Middle School Environment OR-7 now officially the leader of his pack Ashland trails up for changes Monument expansion expected to increase tourism, protect resources Biologist resigns over LNG reporting failure Bird flu discovered in Winston backyard flock State News Suit targets 'auto-hold' video poker strategy 'Portlandia' takes a different path in season 5 Daughter of psychic pleads guilty in elaborate con Oregon may see hemp crop this spring under new rules Forest Service scraps $10 million PR campaign Nation - World Obama makes Maduro’s ‘insolent Yankees’ line harder to sell Obituaries Jean Elenor Bowers Death Notices Edgar Frutchey III Shirley M. Lindstrom Walter (Jim) Dave Schraub Weather Photo Galleries Since You Asked Videos Web Cams Mail Tribune 100 Shareable In memoriam: 2014’s notable deaths Looking back: Do you remember 2014’s biggest stories? Sports Latest Stories North, South sweep wrestling duals Rogues hire Church as new GM Steckbauer named North boys coach A ‘miracle’ needed for injured Allen to play A late addition gives Ducks some depth Varsity 541 College Sports A ‘miracle’ needed for injured Allen to play A late addition gives Ducks some depth The Lowe down Tinkle wants more inside-out balance Different approaches to recruiting for UO, OSU Pro Sports Rogues hire Church as new GM Sharapova breezes in opener; Serena loses Pistons rally in final seconds to beat Spurs Golf begins with four events to follow Baseball welcomes four into Hall Community Sports Business Latest Stories Blog: One Frenchman's perspective on Feb. 7 attack Medford airport traffic flies to new heights After seven decades in Medford, Larson's will be emptied Saturday Patchwork of talents Irrigation system upgrade gets a forum Real Estate News Dear Monty: Best start for 1st-time homebuyers Rental owners group reports 2.48 percent vacancy rate People In Business Transportation Medford airport traffic flies to new heights Falling gas prices help spur travel at Medford airport Agriculture Rising prices bear fruit for local pear growers Opinion Latest Letters to the Editor, Jan. 8 Dana Milbank: John Boehner swarmed by pests George Will: Climate change's instructive past Granlund cartoon: Terrorists vs. cartoonists Granlund cartoon: Deep freeze USA Editorials Our View: Falls has work to do to restore trust Our View: WISE project offers many benefits Our View: Waiting a little longer for the bus Other Views: Oregon's GMO battle is far from over Our View: Meeting in the middle keeps a mill open Letters to the Editor Letters to the Editor, Jan. 8 Letters to the Editor, Jan. 7 Letters to the Editor, Jan. 6 Letters to the Editor, Jan. 5 Letters to the Editor, Jan. 4 Guest Opinions Guest Opinion: East is east and west is west Guest Opinion: Get the best deal on pipeline Guest Opinion: Say yes to clean energy jobs, no to the LNG project Guest Opinion: Loved one chose death with dignity in Oregon Guest Opinion: Forest thinning means water for the future Lifestyle Latest stories Community blog: Happy New Beer Year! 5 Things to Do This Weekend (Jan. 9-11) Lost in Suburbia: The bug stops here 11 reasons why we love wrought iron fencing Dave Ramsey: Sharing and planning as one Food Community blog: Happy New Beer Year! Community blog: Scanty spuds stretch winter greens into salad Entertaining with a gift of treasure Food for Thought: Save time on weeknight meal prep Community blog: Farm share boosts resolve to eat more veggies Home and Garden 11 reasons why we love wrought iron fencing Dear Monty: Eight great tips to ponder before investing in real estate Home Help: Timeless or trendy? Achieve both in your home decor this year Dear Monty: Best start for 1st-time homebuyers Dear Monty: Can a rookie real estate agent be a good choice? Health Community blog: Tale of the Tape Community blog: We Don't Have To Conspire Against Good Health HealthStyle: New year, new you Health Watch: Build up your glutes in the off-season Dr. Jeff Hersh: What's a monoclonal antibody? Hiking Biking Faith Churches start new year with messages of hope (No heading) Churches, synagogs host seasonal events Bethel Church helps families at McLoughlin Middle School Milestones and Achievements Since You Asked: Sheriff's Office sells off foreclosed homes Mt. Ashland Ski Area shut down again by lack of snow Little Yaretzi is county's first baby of 2015 Local landowners see no public good in proposed pipeline Pear Blossom queen has open heart surgery Columnist for a Day Rogue Healthy Aging Tempo Latest stories 100 Watt Mind unveils 'Creatures' American Guitar Masters play the Imperial Chamber Music Concerts presents Tesla Quartet Blues jam tonight at Little Brown Jug Songwriters Pete Herzog and Dennis Walker release 'Waiting for the Rain' Theater OSF's 'Great Society' up for Kennedy Prize Next Stage presents a tribute to an iconic folk artist Camelot's 'Fiddler' is a charmer ACT presents reading of 'The Quality of Life' Meet the real Jacob Marley Music 100 Watt Mind unveils 'Creatures' American Guitar Masters play the Imperial Chamber Music Concerts presents Tesla Quartet Blues jam tonight at Little Brown Jug Songwriters Pete Herzog and Dennis Walker release 'Waiting for the Rain' Community Events Art Presence showcases 'Naked Art' New Schneider Museum exhibits highlight First Friday Celebrate winter solstice with the Bad Film Society Tomaseen Foley's "A Celtic Christmas" returns to the Craterian Theater Stefan Baumann and Eugene Bennett highlight Third Fridays Dining Entertaining with a gift of treasure Jackson Creek Pizza Co. is a good downtown haunt Dobra Tea menu offers hundreds of brews Food for Thought: Wintertime wining and dining Coffee shops roll out holiday-inspired drinks Tempo Videos Classifieds Jobs Autos Real Estate FEATURED » Obituaries Blogs TV Listings Movie Listings Oregon Outdoors Oregon Healthy Living Magazines & Special Sections NEWS NOW Medford airport traffic flies to new heights ... Three daylight burglaries reported in apparent east Medford spree ... OR-7 now officially the leader of his pack ... Medford airport traffic flies to new heights ... Three daylight burglaries reported in apparent east Medford spree ... OR-7 now officially the leader of his pack ... Lost in Suburbia: The bug stops here Comment MailTribune.com Writer Posted Jan. 7, 2015 @ 12:01 am Posted Jan. 7, 2015 @ 12:01 am » Social News By Tracy Beckerman More Content Now “WHOA! What the heck is that?!?!” I shrieked, jumping back for safety. I shined my flashlight at the door to my tent, which was blocked by the biggest, gnarliest bug I had ever seen outside of a National Geographic special. “It’s just a beetle, honey,” laughed my husband. “I’m sure it’s harmless.” “That’s not a beetle!” I argued. “That’s an actual Volkswagen. And I’m pretty sure I saw his cousin eat a water buffalo on TV. I’m probably next on the menu.” “Beetles don’t eat people here,” he assured me. “People eat beetles. It’s protein!” I grimaced. Although I’d seen my share of large cockroaches when I lived in New York City and prehistoric-looking cicadas when I moved to the suburbs, nothing compared with the bugs I encountered when we went to East Africa to volunteer over Christmas break. I had been warned about big animals with sharp teeth, and little animals with sharp teeth, but no one had said anything about beetles the size of Texas. “That is a Goliath beetle,” said our guide. “It eats fruit.” “Yeah, and anything that gets in the way of the fruit,” I added. My husband continued to taunt me as our guide gently prodded the Godzilla bug off our tent. My fear of bugs was well known to my family. I even had a specific bug noise I would make when I was startled by a bug, alerting my family to the fact that I’d had a U.B.E. (Unidentified Bug Encounter) and was on the verge of a U.B.M. (Ultimate Bug Meltdown). But none of the bugs I’d come across in my travels had ever prepared me for this motherbugger of all beetles on my tent. My husband and son, the bug enthusiasts in our family, were as overjoyed with the discovery of the monster bug as they were by the knowledge that it completely freaked me out. They continued to giggle at my expense the following day when a giant cockroach flew onto my fork at dinner, and then when an extra large locust landed in my hair from who knows where. “The bugs are out to get me!” I wailed on our third day. “I don’t think I’m going to survive this trip.” “I don’t think the bugs will kill you,” said my husband. “No, not the bugs,” I replied. “It’s the heart attack I’m going to have the next time a giant bug drops on my head.” That night I slept fitfully, as visions of dung beetles danced in my head. The following day we loaded into our jeep for our next destination. As my husband got off the jeep to make room for my son, we all gasped and pointed to my husband’s pants. Hitching a ride on his pants leg was a bug that was bigger, longer and nastier looking than the one that had been on my tent. My husband shrieked like a girl, grabbed a nearby stick, and batted frantically at his leg until the bug took flight. He panted breathlessly and looked at me for sympathy. “Did you see the size of that thing?” he cried. “It almost flew into my mouth!!” “Don’t worry about it,” I said calmly. “The guide says it tastes like chicken.” Become a fan of Lost in Suburbia on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/LostinSuburbiaFanPage. 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