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0 of 3 Premium Clicks used this month SUBSCRIBE Print + Online Subscriber Activation | Register x Forgot Password | Need an Account? e-edition | subscribe | newsletter | deals Home News Latest Stories Boys & Girls Clubs bursting at the seams Ward 4 Q&A: George Schroeder Ward 4 Q&A: Michael Zarosinski Ward 4 Q&A: Donna Lane Ward 4 Q&A: Andrew Watson Crime, Courts and Emergency Services Hitchhiker arrested after allegedly trying to stab Central Point man who gave her a ride Sign of frustration The curtain drops on Southwest Oregon fire season Emergency services Pacific Power impostors at it again in Southern Oregon Politics and Elections Ward 4 Q&A: George Schroeder Ward 4 Q&A: Michael Zarosinski Ward 4 Q&A: Donna Lane Ward 4 Q&A: Andrew Watson Ward 3 Q&A: Don Libby Education Boys & Girls Clubs bursting at the seams Phoenix High School restores homecoming parade EP school district launches new app Striving to make the grade Fresh produce goes home with Jackson Elementary families Environment Fear of orphaned cubs nixes new spring bear hunt Josephine County ballot measure would ban commercial and government pesticide use Low water exposes Emigrant Lake's past Wagner Creek work would restore streambank Deer-killing disease won't taint meat for hunters State news Nation - World Obituaries Lawrence Dale Edwards Lorraine A. 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Wehby goes after Merkley in Medford debate ... Boles fire arson suspect pleads not guilty ... Sign of frustration ... Wehby goes after Merkley in Medford debate ... Boles fire arson suspect pleads not guilty ... Lost in Suburbia: The guaranteed, surefire Halloween candy plan MailTribune.com Writer Posted Oct. 15, 2014 @ 12:01 am Posted Oct. 15, 2014 @ 12:01 am » Social News By Tracy Beckerman More Content Now When the air gets a hint of a chill to it and the leaves start drifting down off the trees, I know that the time has come for me to quietly bid farewell to summer … and start to freak out about Halloween candy. Yes, it’s true. I have Halloween Candy Neurosis. The problem is we live on a cul-de-sac, and so our trick-or-treating traffic tends to be on the light side. While the situation has never changed in the 10-plus years we have been living in our house, for some reason, I always panic at the supermarket, imagine we will be hit with an army of costumed candy-craving zombies, and buy way candy more than we will ever hand out. The result is that we are left with a huge volume of undistributed candy that invariably, inevitably, inexcusably ends up in my mouth. This year I decided I was going to break the cycle of excessive candy-ness. My plan was twofold. I was going to buy less than I thought I needed. And I was only going to buy candy I hated. In addition to being candy smart, I was also going to be candy thrifty. I had stockpiled a number of candy coupons from one particular store over the past month in anticipation of this event. Armed with my coupons and my resolve, I headed out to the store to show the candy who was boss. Although I was confident in my plan, I knew that buying candy that I hated would be a challenge. I will eat just about any candy that is not chocolate-covered bugs, with one other exception — I won’t eat chocolate-covered coconut. While I like coconut and I like chocolate, I can’t eat the two of them together. I don’t know what it is about the combination, but it makes my tongue want to get up and walk out of my mouth. Adding in an almond does nothing to help the situation. So while I won’t name names, you get the idea about which candy I won’t eat. This was the candy I intended to buy. Full of self-righteous coconut indignation, I hit the Halloween candy aisles and began searching for the coconut-candy-that-shall-not-be-named. I shielded my eyes from the chocolate peanut butters and the chocolate nougats and the chocolate chocolates in my single-minded quest for the one candy I would not eat. But there was nuthin. No coconut. No coconut with almonds. No coconut nuthin. Either a busload of crazed chocolate coconut-loving tourists had stopped off at the market and completely emptied the store of coconut candy, or the store had simply decided, like me, that the candy was just too icky to carry anymore. Either way, my master candy plan was derailed. I was at a loss. My entire Halloween strategy was at stake. What was I to do? Shielding my eyes from the shelves of candy that I wanted to avoid, I marched up to the checkout counter and asked for the manager. “WHERE’S THE COCONUT?” I demanded with as much hysterical restraint as I could muster. “We’re out,” she said simply. “Are you getting more?” I asked. “Don’t know,” she responded. “Hmm.” I said pondering my options. “Then do you have any chocolate covered bugs?” Become a fan of Lost in Suburbia on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/LostinSuburbiaFanPage. 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