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SUNNY Temp: 86 °F Wind: NNW at 13 mph Tuesday, June 17, 2003 SECTIONS Home Page Local News Sports Business Obituaries Life Opinion - Politics AP News Weather Classified Archives Site Map EXTRA HomeLife Magazine W3 Magazine Jobs @ Mail Tribune Tempo A & E Oregon CarZone Wellness Connection Real Estate Newspaper in Education Prime Times Outdoor Journal Personals Movie Times TV Times E The People CLASSIFIEDS Find a Car Find a Home Find a Job Find Everything E SOUTHERN OREGON Automotive Communities Entertainment Publications Recreation Calendar ABOUT US FAQ What's New Advertise Home Delivery Classified Ad Contact Us Media Kit Email Story to a Friend June 2, 2003 The spiral of family arguments that led Caressa Barney, 15, top, to run away from home has been stopped thanks to the Reunification Program run by Community Works of Medford. Mother Connie Rudd, 38, hopes the program will build a lifelong friendship. Mail Tribune / Andrew Mariman Family bonds on the mend A Community Works program helps parents, youth start talking again By JONEL ALECCIA Mail Tribune The night 15-year-old Caressa Barney ran away from home, the fight might have been about her boyfriend. Or it might have been about how much she uses the phone, or about how little she helps around the house. Caressa and her mother, Connie Rudd, 38, say they can’t remember exactly what they argued about. They just know that one night last winter there were harsh words, loud threats and a telephone call to the Jackson County Sheriff’s Department. Advertisement "She said she was leaving and I said if she left I was reporting her as a runaway," Rudd, a White City mother of four recalls. "I just told them to take her." Caressa, an Eagle Point High School freshman, spent a month at her grandmother’s house and some time at a friend’s place because home was nowhere she wanted to be. "We were not communicating," she says quietly. Today, however, Caressa is living back with her mom, thanks to a rare Rogue Valley program aimed at helping fractured families of adolescents come together again. It’s the Reunification Program, one of three outreach efforts to homeless and runaway youth offered by Community Works of Medford. Targeted at young people ages 11 to 18, the program provides three months of intensive counseling and mediation efforts aimed at unsnarling the knots of adolescence. "We not only try to get them back together again, we try to look at those issues that brought them to that point," says therapist Scott Wood. "Sometimes everybody just needs to calm down." The reunification program was recently restarted at Community Works after a lapsed grant from the Federal Youth Service Bureau was renewed. At $200,000 a year for three years, it offers services for the estimated 400 homeless and runaway youth in Jackson County at any given time. It also provides rare resources in a human services system focused primarily on children under 13. Last month alone, Wood says he worked to reunite 20 runaway teenagers and their families. The trouble starts, he says, with the normal sparks of adolescence. "They become snarling, defiant and independent and they love to argue," he says. "A lot of pretty healthy families can cope, but a lot of families find they can’t." Specific issues are so common as to be classic, he says: school, chores, sex, drugs. Rudd says she and Caressa argued constantly over everything from the phone that rang until 11 p.m. at night to the chores that didn’t get done properly. "Her idea of clean and my idea of clean are two different things," says Rudd, who was recently laid off from a manufacturing job. Beneath the specific complaints, however, a bigger problem typically lurks, Wood says. "What it boils down to, really, is the way each party treats each other," Wood says. "At some point, respectful communication breaks down." Helping rebuild — or even create — new ways of relating is Wood’s job. Parents and children meet with him weekly for three months in individual and joint therapy sessions. The lessons are quickly apparent, says Rudd, who figures she has to re-learn what it means to be a parent. "Back when I was raised, it was you did what you were told when you were told and there was no back talk," she says. "Now I have to learn to treat her as a person. Her views and opinions do matter." Wood estimates that 90 percent of the teens and parents he sees are able to live together again — at least long enough to complete counseling. "Once we’re done with them, we may never hear from them again," he admits. Caressa and her mom are tapering off their therapy sessions now. They say they’ve learned skills that will help them cope. They say they now know to take breaks if either gets too mad to talk. They discuss boundaries and consequences and new ways to compromise over sensitive issues — like Caressa’s boyfriend. "I just totally despise him," Rudd says. "But because of her, I’m trying. Last week, I let him come over for about two hours. When he calls, I’m trying to be civil." Caressa says she likes the new approach of treating each other with respect. Her mom says she hopes it will make the future easier. "When she gets older, I want us to be friends," Rudd says, smiling at the dark-haired girl. "A lot of mothers and daughters don’t have that." Reach reporter JoNel Aleccia at 776-4465, or e-mail [email protected] StreetWise manager Mandy Martin resigns The manager of StreetWise, one of three Community Works programs for homeless and runaway teens, has resigned. Mandy Martin plans to continue to work with young people starting next fall as the homeless student liaison for the Ashland School District. Details of the new post have yet to be finalized, said Martin, who took over StreetWise in 2001, when it was called The Lighthouse. "It was just time to move on," Martin said Sunday. "StreetWise will continue. It’s alive and kicking and in good shape." In addition to StreetWise, Community Works runs the Transitional Living Program and the Reunification Program. For general information, call 779-2393. To contact Wood, therapist for the Reunification Program, dial extension 232. To reach Patrick Christensen, a case manager, dial 221. Printer Friendly Version Email Story to a Friend Subscribe Archive: Click to Search Mail Tribune Home Local News | Sports | Business | Obituaries | Life Opinion - Politics | AP News | Archives | Site Map E Southern Oregon | Classified Copyright © 1997-2003 Mail Tribune. All rights reserved. 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