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This is what friends are for ... By Sharon Johnson Jun 05, 2022 12:15 AM A A I used to believe the story I’m about to share with you was true. Maybe it is. But I looked for a research citation and found none. So the story may simply be urban legend. Either way, I think it is relevant to the mood of the week. As I remember it, an epidemiological study launched after the World Trade Center tragedy in 2001 interviewed people living in the immediate proximity of the fallen Twin Towers. The individuals interviewed experienced horrific trauma tied to the events of that day, witnessing deaths and near-deaths and, in some cases, acquiring physical injuries themselves. The study, as I recall hearing at that time, was intended to identify what types of people coped well in a tragic situation — and why. It was thought those who handled tragedies the most successfully might be older adults or individuals with more education. It was suggested that possibly women coped better than did men. The conclusion was this: People who managed themselves the most optimally were the ones who had strong social networks, a collection of readily available, caring people (family, friends, acquaintances) who would reach out to them, listen thoughtfully and allow them to share feelings and “get the sad out.” People who would act on their behalf, if needed. It’s not all that surprising, actually. There’s a lot of well-documented research that finds having a strong network of friends and “the presence of a confidant” is a critical factor in overall well-being — at any age. Friends nurture and energize us. They come in a variety of forms; sometimes they barely seem to meet the definition of “friend.” Maybe it's the cordial, ever-smiling clerk at the grocery store. Or the neighbor who seldom engages in conversation but is always willing to water your plants when you’re gone. Maybe it’s someone you don’t even know well, but you enjoy regular email exchanges and you feel close to him. There is an incredible power in friendship in any form. I am fortunate to have a friend who regularly leaves me handwritten copies of Mary Oliver poems tucked under our front door and another friend who brings us homemade applesauce and a listening ear. Our grandson tells me he has more than a dozen “really good” friends who are “mostly girls.” He expects to have more when he gets to fourth grade next year. Our 19-year-old granddaughter is a sophomore in college and works as a caregiver in a nursing home on weekends. She says she has formed a “lifelong” friendship with one of “her” residents. Some of us can rightly claim, “I am married to my best friend.” I recall years ago attending a wedding where the officiant directed the couple to be friends first and to “hold dear and nurture your partner with relentless abandon. Honor the connection with your active loving.” I hope the families with fourth grade schoolchildren who lost their lives in a senseless shooting in Uvalde, Texas, this week have friends who hold them dear — and friends who will partner with them to relentlessly address the cause of these avoidable deaths. I hope you and I support them as they try to do that. That’s what friends are for ... Sharon Johnson is a retired health educator. She can be reached at [email protected].