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Three innocent-looking volunteers from the Jackson County Animal Care & Control Center had set a trap, using three tail-wagging puppies for bait. The pups were all cute as a bug's ear, particularly the brown one who looked like a clown, thanks to a white face with a brown patch over one eye. One ear drooped forward; the other flopped over to the side. Advertisement The furry Bozo made straight for Maureen. They immediately started conspiring in puppy talk, which my wife speaks fluently. "Excuse me but we already have two perfectly good dogs — remember Ally and Ona?" I reminded her, referring to our elderly dog dames. "I know, but this one's not very big," she said. "He'll only be mid-size. He wouldn't take much room." I wasn't able to pull my wife from the harlequin hound before she got his name — Smuckers — and a rundown on his history from the volunteers. A dog of dubious ancestry, the funny fellow had been found abandoned in Medford late last fall. I like to think there is an especially bad place in hell for people who abandon domesticated animals. But I figured we already have fur enough in our home. "How would our old dogs feel if we brought this goofy-looking guy home?" I asked. "And what about our cats? It took them years to train our dogs. It'll be a zoo." "You know they'd love him," she replied. "He's adorable." But she agreed to leave the pet store with only the cat stuff which had drawn us there in the first place. Still, as we were leaving she looked back at Smuckers, who sat there grinning. It made me nervous. Sure enough, Maureen dropped the other paw a few days later. "I called about Smuckers — he still doesn't have a home," she said. "I told them we would come visit him." "I'm doomed," I moaned. Perhaps weakened by the flu bug that would floor me by the end of the week, I followed Maureen like a well-trained pooch into the shelter where we asked to see Smuckers. I remember filling out a form that, among other things, stated we weren't felons. My conscience has been eating at me about that, given the fact many folks consider journalism a felony. After checking our credentials, the pound people pronounced us dog-worthy. We would be able to pick up the pup late Tuesday afternoon at the vet's after he had been neutered. And Maureen began making a long list of what we would need for the canine addition. "We want him to feel welcome," she explained. He must have felt like a canine king. A quick addition of the dog damage told the story: $75 to adopt, including neutering; $453 for expanding the kennel, $59 to buy a doghouse, which I didn't have time to build, $45 for a rabies shot and heart worm pills, $35 for doghouse insulation, $29 for puppy chow, $12 for a dog bed, $12 for dog toys, including a moose that squeaks, and $6 for a dog dish. That comes to $726 for the princely pooch. "We still need to get a doggy coat for him," Maureen said. "Why not," I said, adding snidely, "but make sure it matches the shirt I've already given him off my back." She sniffed at the witticism, but didn't bite. "We also need to come up with another name — Smuckers sounds like a jar of jelly," she said. "I've got one — let's call him 'Expensive,' " I offered. She again ignored my doggerel but agreed to my serious suggestion we name him Waldo. With those funny ears, he looks like a Waldo. Besides, I wanted to be able to come home and ask "Where's Waldo?" When I picked him up at the Best Friends Animal Hospital in Talent Tuesday afternoon, they pronounced him a good dog who plays well with others. For a fellow who had just been neutered, he seemed plenty spry. He hopped into the passenger seat and grinned at me. "Well, Waldo, I hope you realize you've just won Maureen's lottery for animals," I told him. He laid down on the seat, let out a long sigh and closed his eyes as I scratched his velvet ears. "Don't tell the other humanoid in our house I said this but I think we're the real winners," I said. "Thanks for picking us." Reach reporter Paul Fattig at 776-4496 or at [email protected] Would you like to respond to this story? If so Click Here to visit our forums. Advertisement Copyright © 1997-2007 Mail Tribune, Inc. All rights reserved. Privacy Policy | Terms & Conditions | Website Feedback online casinos news Home Security Systems Online Casino Reviews Trunks, Footlocker Fundraisers UK Homeowner Loans Casinos Canada Cord Blood Banking Discount Hotel Reservations Texas Electric Choice Compare Electric rates in Texas Windermere Van Vleet Men's Clothing Debt Help New Hampshire Primary