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When parents and grandparents clash Photo by Bob Pennell Lynzi and Jeff Kiser, with daughter Carrlyn, 2, are in a battle with Lynzi's father and stepmother over whether the grandparents should be allowed to see their granddaughter. The U.S. Supreme Court heard arguments Wednesday in a similar case from Washington state. Who visits the child? Who decides? By CHRIS BRISTOL Lynzi Kiser still can't believe her husband got arrested for a decision the young parents believe was theirs and theirs alone to make. A month ago today, Jeff Kiser spent two hours in jail after a Jackson County judge found the Medford couple in contempt of court for refusing a supervised court-ordered visitation between their 2-year-old daughter, Carrlyn, and the child's grandfather, Don Towry. "I'm sitting there totally vulnerable, Jeff just gets hauled off to jail, and the judge says to me, `Ms. Kiser, you have two choices: You can either join your husband in jail or you can allow a supervised visit today.' "I'm thinking, `What's going to happen to Carrlyn? How can this be happening?' It's just insane." Kiser capitulated, but neither she nor her husband -- a 24-year-old auto body technician who had never been in trouble with the law -- will ever forget the experience. The rights of parents and grandparents like Carrlyn's are at stake in a case that came before the U.S. Supreme Court Wednesday. Judges in the nation's capital heard arguments in a Washington state case that could affect family law in Oregon and the rest of the country. A decision is expected in June. Portland attorney John Chally and other experts in Oregon family law have been tracking the case closely. "Parents want to know, `Don't I have the right to determine who visits my child and who doesn't?"' Chally said Wednesday. "That's the basic question that's going before the Supreme Court." Washington's law allows anyone to win a court-ordered right to see a child anytime such visitation is found to be in the child's best interest. Oregon's law is similar but attorneys say it is not as broad. "I think it's scary that a judge has so much power over a family, and we haven't done anything wrong," said Lynzi Kiser. "What about parents' rights? What about raising our children without state intervention when we haven't done anything wrong?" Kiser, 23, is the first to admit that the dispute with her father and stepmother, Julie Towry, involves nothing more than a lifetime of petty squabbles and conflict. Both sides agree the estrangement stemmed from Don Towry's refusal to let his daughter ride along on a trip to Salem in November 1998 to visit his mother on her deathbed. The incident led the Kisers to cut off the Towrys. The Towrys eventually got an attorney, and Judge Phil Arnold ordered that Don Towry be allowed supervised visits with Carrlyn. But Lynzi Kiser insists that she and her husband had a right to decide who gets to visit their daughter and who doesn't. "We are trying to give our daughter a normal life," said Lynzi, a senior majoring in business at Southern Oregon University. "Both of us come from divorced families, and we're trying so hard to make this work. We don't want her to feel the way we did when we were growing up." The Towrys, who operate a pickup truck accessory store in Medford called Truck Creations, said they love Carrlyn like one of their own children. In fact, they have five children of their own, ranging in age from 16 to 5. They insist they have spent quality time with their grandchild, who they call Carrlee. They have a photo album full of pictures of the girl -- and Lynzi. They say the girl's first word was "Bob," a k a the Towrys' pet German shepherd. "Is she a part of my life? Yes," Don Towry said Wednesday. "Is she as important as our kids? Yes." To the Towrys, the issue is not parental rights but Carrlyn's best interests. And they point out that a judge found it in Carrlyn's best interest to maintain the special relationship that grandparents and grandchildren often have. "The child's rights should outweigh the rights of any parent or grandparent," Julie Towry said. "Parents shouldn't have a guaranteed right to say, `No, you won't see our grandchildren."' The law in Oregon is narrowly tailored to preserve the rights of people who can establish they have had an existing -- and healthy -- relationship with a child, according to Mark Johnson, a Portland attorney who specializes in family law. He said the government has to respect the rights of parents, but it also has a competing, even overriding, interest: protection of children. Too many children get used as pawns in family disputes, he said. Sadly, court orders often only exacerbate the problem. "The truth is, the court is a lousy place to resolve family disputes," Johnson said. "The best thing to do is work it out, like adults." Mail Tribune Copyright � The Mail Tribune 2000, Medford, Oregon USA